wow. so, i've been back for over two years, and being stunted not knowing why is was violently moody at times, i finally met the problem in the past few days.
since i'd been back, i actually had been really awful to the people who are closest to me, acting and finally coming to terms that i am a spoiled brat. in that time, i would turn to my two closest people and admitting that i could not figure out why i had become this way, even trying to offer to them and myself reasons for my "spoiled brat outbursts"; that i'm too spoiled by my boyfriend, that i've been on my own and i could deal without [some things from] those loved ones,.. i would get upset at myself for not having pinpointed the reason. i am, a very logical person. i need reasons for things, including behaviour.
i finally came across a reading in a textbook that i was going through with my students. it was about 'reverse culture shock'. i couldn't believe what i was reading. it was describing exactly what have been going through. it finally had a name. this anger was not something that was naturally from me. it was the result of something else. i felt incredibly relieved, -that i did not develop a bad nature, or that i picked up some negative habits from abroad. i was reacting the way i was supposed to act after being away for so long and coming back attempting to adjust back to my life in toronto, with my friend and family.
i quickly went looking for ways to get out of this stage. internet resources are telling me to get my mind on other things like, plan another trip. i think that is useless, completely. and so, two days have passed, and i think what has helped the most is, is realizing this situation as a first step. now, i'm just getting back in touch with family and friends to get myself back to sane.
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