no way out

these days have been blah. the weather is gray. i mean, literally for about a week now. just over that. my work is alright, i guess. i just have to stress on a class that has "to the floor" level English. the other classes, i don't have to produce too much new stuff.. just reorganize everything i have.

i have time i guess. when i do, i just let myself not do anything about it. i'm at a standstill again, for some reason. i don't know where my motivation is gone to. i think it's the weather. i think it's the grumpy students and the grumpy co-worker that .. gets me really agitated the most. there shouldn't be a summer term anyway. one of the students fainted yesterday. it's hot here. i mean, the students here have to work for 110 hours in a 10-day week in their school schedule. that's not including the 2 hours they have before classes, running their exercises (which they are used to), sweeping the school clean, eating.. reading apparently..

there is not another teacher coming in september, which makes me a little sad. the other foreign teacher likes to do his own thing, and so do i, which is okay. but, it would make me a little more happier if i were to have another companion.. i'll just do as i usually do. i think i've got to regroup my thoughts a little.

i took out all the garbage (minus the bad watermelon.. another story), and cleared the apartment. i'll be cleaning the floor tomorrow. i'm supposed to be running tomorrow. i skipped this morning. richard had called to cancel this morning, so i skipped. i run every other day. i gotta get my mojo going again. gotta do the editing.

this woman got hold of me for a while today. so far, as a foreign teacher, you may get the luxury of going on hospitable lunches with people. today, i think i realized that i really don't like them anymore. of course, mary liked them.. she handles well talking to people. i just never know what to say. is it appropriate to ask about this and that.. and blah blah. they want to hang out with me again next week. i said yes.. but i really don't want to. yes.. so the pattern is that i'm a pushover. she wanted me to come over to her house with the other guests to see her wedding pictures. after sitting there for half an hour, after i've finished eating.. i realized that.. i just didn't want to be there anymore. i'm definitely giving these people's childrens free oral English lessons. i mean, they are feeding me.. but i feel like i haven't said yes to this transaction..

and it's not even that fact that it's free.. i just have no time.. i could be editing.. (paid side work) or i could learn the guitar, start that scarf. like, really.. i wasn't learning anything more for myself. my work load is almost 3 times it was last term, with lesson planning and this new headache class that i have.

i told them, i needed to rest before my afternoon classes and promised her to see her pictures next week. i really don't mind seeing her pictures.. i just don't understand why i have to hang out with this family..